Stressed
I don’t want to get out of bed. I don’t want to fucking face and deal with all of this. Yesterday was okay cause I drank myself through it but that isn’t even helping today. I want to fucking sleep and never wake up, I am so lethargic, tired and apathetic. I don’t want to see her face and have to see her upset, I don’t want to have to mother her AGAIN. SHE is the mother, not fucking me! I actually have exams now - important ones - and I haven’t revised one fucking bit! I am going to fail…I can just see how pathetic my results are going to be. I was meant to get straight A*s!!
But then again, GCSEs aren’t as important as making sure my mother doesn’t slit her wrists again! I don’t want this mess of a woman, I want my old mum back.
Hearing things again. Hearing LOTS of things, wont be long until I see stuff. I am actually fucking PLEASED. I am actually pleased because I now have those old voices to keep me company now. I may have lost my mum - the ONE person I could ever even SLIGHTLY open up to or show weakness in front of - to whatever monster she has become right now, but I have fucking schizophrenia to comfort me.
It is pathetic how I am ranting here as if this blog is actually a confidant! It isn’t as if anyone even reads it (not that I want them to haha). Fuck, really have to stop talking to myself….I want my mum back.